wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
