also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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