Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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