I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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