Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
