So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
