how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
