I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
