On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
