When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
