he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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