speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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