she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
