I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
