i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
