I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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