Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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