I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
