just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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