Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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