It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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