he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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