Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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