dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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