I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
