four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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