We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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