I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
