You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
