3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
