Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
