I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
