Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
