Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
