so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
