Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
