Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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