Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
