Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
