I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
