When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
