I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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