what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
