theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
