Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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