the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Drake has all the answers
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
