i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
