if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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