you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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