Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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