We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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