return my video game
I can text with my tongue
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
