imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize