My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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