I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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