I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
