Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
