I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize