Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
