he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
