Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
