Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
