Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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