I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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