It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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