u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
